I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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