so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
