Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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