I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
