Fine. I'll sleep in my office
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The Olympian is in my bed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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