It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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