You just made me feel so damn special
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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