I love having hate sex.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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