I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
