My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
