I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Houston, we have a blender
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
