also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
