Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
