I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
