That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
