My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.