I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
