there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
