My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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