Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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