Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
