i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
