That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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