At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
