I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
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I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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