so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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