i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
