If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
