Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
