Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What a dumb baby whore.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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