Got a toothbrush?
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
they need to just BURY HIM!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
