Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
