I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
