first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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