These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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