what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
