also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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