worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
