oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
