Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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