OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
