i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
