margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
