you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
