i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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