She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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