Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
