grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
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She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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