I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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