Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
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Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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