Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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