Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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