i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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