Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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