no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
