But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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