You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
