So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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