look no pants
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
