Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
