You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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