I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
