the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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