she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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