His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
