I need to stop coming to work sober
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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