Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
