I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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